Tag Archives: Women

Why?

My wife and I were having a late lunch outdoors at a casual restaurant the other day. Small groups of women sat at two of the tables, one table had two men and two tables were occupied by professional looking, well dressed couples. One couple looked to be in their 30’s the other in their mid 40’s. I’m not sure if they were married but since they were both directly in front of me, I could tell by their conversation that they were much more than friends. They seemed to have a pleasant lunch, laughed several times, conversed easily and when the bill was presented, the guy paid. A short time later the 30’s couple left and about five minutes after that, the 40’s couple did the same.

But it was how they left that really bothered me and almost caused me to leave my seat.

In both cases, the guy stood up and began walking to the parking lot before the woman was even out of her seat. In both cases, the guy opened his car door and got in while the woman was still navigating her way out of the patio dining area. In both cases the guy started the car as the woman was walking through the parking lot. The woman who was in her 40’s looked over at me as she passed by and gave me an embarrassed smile before looking away.

There aren’t many things that really get under my skin but disrespect is at the very top of my list. The problem is, I don’t know who I was more upset with, the guys for being disrespectful or the women for tolerating it. Because I would bet the ranch this isn’t the first time this happened. This is their relationship. This is how these men treat these women and this is what these women accept. The question is why?

I’ve always believed that you can’t force someone to respect you but you sure as hell can refuse to be disrespected. If someone allows it to happen, it is guaranteed to continue. I realize this works both ways; that both men and women are responsible for this type of behavior toward the other but I believe women share the brunt of this type of boorish behavior.

If you don’t respect the person you’re in a relationship with, then why are you there? If you’re not respected by the person you are in a relationship with, then why do you stay?

I don’t understand.

Raped Twice

Statistics tell us that one in five women in the United States have been raped in their lifetime.

One in five women.

The next time you’re in a room filled with people, take a look around at the women in that room and think about those numbers. Disturbingly, since rape is underreported in this country, that number is higher than statistics indicate.

When I started this blog I wanted it to be a place I could go to and just write what was on my mind. Whether it was funny or serious, it was going to be my place to vent. The Stanford swimmer’s rape trial and verdict that has been in the news recently is so disgustingly obscene that even though I wanted to write something, I couldn’t find my way here to rationally articulate any reasonable thoughts. But I have to say something.

A young unconscious girl was assaulted and raped in January 2015 by a drunk student named Brock Turner who happened to be a swimmer. He comes from a privileged family and lives in Oakwood, Ohio, a neighborhood known for a higher standard of living with good schools and a low crime rate. The median household income in $100,724, more than double the average in Ohio.

Brock’s father lamented that his son’s life is pretty much ruined and that it was a steep price to pay for “20 minutes of action out of his 20 plus years of life.”  Anyone who wonders if Brock has any respect at all for women should look no further than the insensitive ignorance coming from his father’s mouth. It’s possible the father is a bigger waste of human DNA than his son.

Brock’s mother pleaded with the judge for no jail time, saying that any time behind bars would be a “death sentence.” She felt he wouldn’t survive jail, that he’s be “damaged goods” and a major target being a “Stanford boy.” She claims that Brock is a “shattered and broken shell of the person he used to be. My once happy and vibrant boy is distraught, deeply depressed, terribly wounded and filled with despair.”

She also claims that he has never been in any trouble and his dreams have been shattered. “No NCAA championships, no Stanford degree, no swimming in the Olympics, no medical school, no becoming an Orthopedic surgeon.”

Neither Brock’s mother or father ever mention the trauma endured by the young lady he raped. Not once.

It should also be mentioned that the clean-cut image of Brock that his mother describes doesn’t include his drug use in high school. Why is that important? Because Brock’s explanation for why he made a bad decision is the drug and drinking culture he was exposed to in college and feels that culture is responsible for his uncharacteristic actions. Only he was using before college.

Why are we not surprised that a young college aged man refuses to accept responsibility for his actions and chooses to shift the blame to someone or something else. As if he didn’t know better. As if he didn’t have the ability to make the right choices.  However, after listening to his parents speak, it really isn’t surprising at all. This is a family of self absorbed, clueless individuals with no regard for anyone but themselves and their place in society.

Then there’s the judge in this case. After being found guilty in March, Santa Clara Superior Court Judge Aaron Persky, could have sentenced Brock  to fourteen years in jail. Prosecutors asked for six years. Persky sentenced him to six months. He’ll be out in three. Why? Persky doesn’t think Brock is a threat and won’t repeat his actions again.

Really? So that’s the new basis for sentencing? If we don’t think someone who has killed or maimed someone because he/she was driving while intoxicated, will be a menace to society again, we can simply set them free? If someone who doesn’t have a record kills their spouse by mistake in a fit of anger but the judge is confident he/she won’t do it again, they can walk with a slap on the wrist? That’s how we’re going to serve out justice going forward? Or is that just how they do it in Santa Clara.

Rape is something you carry with you for the rest of your life. It alters and affects almost every aspect of how you live, who you trust, where you go, what you think and who you are. Society, in their distorted sense of rationale, sometimes places more blame, scrutiny and stigma on the victim rather than the individual who committed the crime.

A person who has already been a victim of this heinous crime shouldn’t have to feel like they were raped again by a judge who shows more compassion, concern and justice for the criminal than the victim.

One in five women.

 

 

Genuine Laughter

I don’t know this woman but she’s the kind of person I’d like to know. Anyone who can generate this kind of laughter at something as simple as what you’re about to see is worth hanging out with…:)

If you’re not laughing out loud by the time this is over, I think someone should be taking your pulse.

Enjoy.

Happy Mother’s Day

 

When your mother asks, “Do you want a piece of advice?”, it’s a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.
Erma Bombeck

But there’s a story behind everything. How a picture got on the wall. How a scar got on your face. Sometimes the stories are simple, and sometimes they are hard and heartbreaking. But behind all your stories is always your mother’s stories, because hers is where yours begins.
Mitch Albom

Happy Mother’s Day!!!!

Remembering Love

You won’t remember this.

Sitting on my lap and laughing at
something only you understand,
your hands come up to my face as you
bounce up and down on my lap and then
gently lay your head on my aging chest.

You won’t remember how that made me feel.

I tell you that I love you, that you’re
precious and funny and smart and
one day when you grow up you’re
going to hold someone in your arms
the way I’m holding you in this moment.

But you won’t remember my words.

You’re just nine months old but your eyes
can tell a story with only the sound of a smile,
and when you fall asleep nestled against me,
life rewinds to another time and place
that others whom I held will also not remember.

Time doesn’t exist in moments like this.

So I’ll hold you quietly against me until you wake,
until they tell me it’s time for you to go,
and you’re lifted away, watching your arms reach
out to me again so that our fingers touch for the
briefest of moments in an instant embrace.

You won’t remember the day that two women separated by
ninety years held each other and laughed.

And sadly, as day turns into night,

neither will I.

 

 

 

 

 

Springsteen Sunday (Vol.14, Girls In Their Summer Clothes)

Welcome back to the pulpit of Springsteen.

Song: Girls In Their Summer Clothes
Album: Magic

I realize most people may not know this song, but it’s become a favorite of ours since it’s release on the Magic Album, receiving two Grammy nominations in 2009 and winning for Best Rock Song.

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Girls is breezy, melancholy tune that unfolds slowly and builds in intensity as it moves on. The video was filmed on the Jersey shore in the winter using women of all ages.

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GIRLS IN THEIR SUMMER CLOTHES

Well the streetlights shine down on Blessing Avenue
Lovers they walk by holding hands two by two
A breeze crosses the porch, bicycle spokes spin ’round
Jacket’s on, I’m out the door, tonight I’m gonna burn this town down

And the girls in their summer clothes in the cool of the evening light
The girls in their summer clothes pass me by

A kid’s rubber ball smacks off the gutter ‘neath the lamp light
Big bank clock chimes off go the sleepy front porch lights
Downtown the stores alight as the evening’s underway
Things been a little tight but I know they’re gonna turn my way

And the girls in their summer clothes in the cool of the evening light
The girls in their summer clothes pass me by

Frankie’s Diner’s an old friend on the edge of town
The neon sign spinning round like a cross over the lost and found
The fluorescent lights flick above Pop’s Grill
Shaniqua brings a coffee and asks, “fill?”
And says, “penny for your thoughts now my boy, Bill”

She went away, she cut me like a knife
Hello beautiful thing, maybe you could save my life
In just a glance down here on Magic Street
Love’s a fool’s dance, I ain’t got much sense but I still got my feet

And the girls in their summer clothes in the cool of the evening light
The girls in their summer clothes pass me by
And the girls in their summer clothes in the cool of the evening light
The girls in their summer clothes pass me by

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The temperature around here is pushing 100 degrees today so I thought this might be a perfect song for the season. Oh, and I love this video. Enjoy…:)

Thanks for visiting. See you down the road.

Sacrificing Life For Appearance

There was a study conducted not long ago by a charity group called The Succeed Foundation, in conjunction with The University of the West of England. Their research found that 30 percent of women surveyed in England would give up at least one year of their life in order to achieve their ideal body weight and shape.
While body image is typically thought to be more of an issue for adolescent girls, this survey was conducted on university campuses across the UK, leading researchers to believe the problem relates to women of all ages, and not just young girls.
One of the major findings was that the majority of women surveyed believed that more needs to be done to promote positive body image at an earlier age in schools and universities.

The research found that in order to achieve their ideal body weight and shape:

16% would trade in one year of their life

10% would trade in 2-5 years of their life

2% would trade in 6-10 years of their life

1% would trade in 21 years or more of their life

In addition, 26% of the women surveyed were willing to sacrifice at least one of the following:

A promotion at work (8%)

Spending time with their partner (9%)

Spending time with their families (7%)

Spending time with their friends (9%)

Their health ( 7%)

The survey also found that 46% of the women surveyed on university campuses have been bullied or ridiculed because of their appearance.
In addition, 79% of the women reported that they would like to lose weight, despite the fact that 78.4% of the women were actually within the underweight or normal weight ranges.
Also disturbingly, 93% of the women surveyed reported they had negative thoughts about their appearance during the week while 31% had negative thoughts several times day.

I’m not sure the numbers would be dramatically different if the survey was conducted in this country, but we’re obviously doing something wrong as a society if young women, who have their entire lives and endless possibilities in front of them, would be willing to trade even one day of life in order to appear as others feel they should be seen.

For all the education opportunities we offer young people, accepting ourselves for who we are should be near the top of the list.