Tag Archives: Humor

Why?

I just changed the time on sixteen clocks in our home. That doesn’t include those things like cable boxes that change automatically. The obvious question is why, in this digital age, do I have sixteen clocks to change but I already know the answer to that. I wasn’t born in a digital age and some of these pieces have some significance. Of course, some don’t, but that’s my problem..

However, the bigger question for me, is why do I have to do this? Why can’t we just agree on one set time, high-five each other and go along with our lives. Why do we go through this minutia twice a year? Why? Somehow, I think politics is involved, But then, I  think politics is involved in everything these days. I’ve become paranoid.

Next election, I’m going to vote for anyone who believes this whole spring ahead/fall back thing should be abolished and includes it on their platform. The six thousand mailers, four thousand emails and 4500 phones calls, I’ve received in the last three weeks have driven me to the breaking point. Thank God DVR’s were invented or I’d have to sit through who knows how many commercials.

So if anybody out there is listening. My vote is available.

Reality Check

When you’re dancing with your three-year old granddaughter and she suddenly stops, looks at you with a serious, concerned look on her face and says, “I think you should sit down now grandpa.”

 

I think she wanted the stage all for herself. At least that’s what I told myself. The fact that I might be embarrassing her didn’t enter my mind. I didn’t ask. Didn’t want to know the answer. You know, the whole ignorance and bliss thing. I chose that route.

 

Sign Sign, Everywhere A Sign

I love looking for fun sayings which are placed on almost anything these days. Here are some which I’ve been gathering the last few months.

I think many can attest to this one.

At least it’s something..

Yeah, well…

Don’t we all know at least one person like this!

Not a political statement but it’s hard to deny sometimes..

Enough said!

I think wine can be inserted into this also.

Okay then…

Any arguments? Didn’t think so..:)

True enough.

No argument here.

I bought this t-shirt with someone in mind…:)

I don’t know who they’re taking about..:)

It’s still a pretty long list!

It’s why I love chocolate!

This might be my favorite..:)

 

Signs Of The Times

We were walking in a park the other day and came across this sign. Normally I wouldn’t be surprised except this particular park was wide open. It has a long walking track, playground, lots of athletic fields,  a dog park, even a water park for kids in the summer. What it doesn’t have is trees. Or wooded areas. Or anywhere to do what the sign prohibits except in the open. So as I looked around I wondered where this lawbreaking activity actually took place. Could it be that men made believe they were checking the tires on a car and women spent more than the usual amount of time squatting down to get  something from under the baby stroller, out in the open? Really? I’ll have to visit more often to check out this situation. Oh yeah, those facilities near the concession stand? They’re closed until April 1st. So is it still against the law if the facilities you advertise for use are closed? Just asking.

So this is another park I was walking in last week on a trail that’s not paved. Still, I’ve never seen a sign that prohibits texting while walking. There were other signs that prohibited cell phone use, horseplay and running. I’m sure the exposed tree roots had something to do with this and I’m sure safety was a concern. Probably not as much of a concern as potential liability on the part of the township but tha’s just me being cynical. So, rule breaker that I am, I decided to jog a bit while texting and making a phone call. I tried to horseplay but I was alone and my other personalities didn’t want to play with me. Go figure.

I thought this one was interesting. The free trip portion was an attention grabber, though anyone familiar with the Catholic Church, as I am, understands that free usually comes with a price tag. Still, I thought it was clever. It reminded me of a line I heard many years ago, “Everyone wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.” Such a conundrum.

Who would have thought one would find such a profound/meaningful statement in a mall pizza joint. But here it is. Think about it. Then go hug the people you love.

Till next time….

Ramblings

I’ve been away for a bit but my mind hasn’t completely shut down. There are all these little thoughts that my brain manufactures, or things I’ve seen, and I’ve missed getting over here to write them and interact with you. So I’m going to make an effort, starting with this post, to write when I can and hope some of it makes sense. So here it goes….

I read several days ago that a private practice nutritionist suggested that having pizza for breakfast was a better option than cereal. Where, in God’s name, has she been all my life? I have to believe her private practice is going to blow up in her favor. Anyone who favors pizza over cereal for breakfast must have some other unique nutritional value suggestions we’ve been waiting for all these years. Finally, someone who speaks our language.

On the flip side of the pizza hunt for red October, I watched a documentary on Netflix recently, called Forks Over Knives. It’s essentially a suggestion that a plant-based food diet can help to eliminate any number of health related issues we may be having, including but not limited to heart, diabetes, blood pressure, etc. The studies they conducted and the results that were shown by individuals were pretty interesting. I’m not sure I can give up bread and chocolate but a halfway point might be considered. Anyway, if you have 90 minutes to spare one day, its worth exploring.

Finally, one last food topic. Some weeks ago riots spread out across France when supermarkets offered steep discounts on Nutella. France is one of the best trips we’ve ever taken and even though it’s been quite a few years since we’ve been there, I’d book a flight tomorrow if they ever pulled that Nutella trick again. Nutella is crazy good and my impression of the French people, while already high, moved up several more meters on the good crazy scale.

Our Ninety year old Aunt, who still drives, doesn’t take a single medication, has never been to a doctor and has all her facilities, received a one thousand piece puzzle as a gift recently. Of course she has no use for a puzzle that size so she decided to give it to us. Except she placed the pieces in a plastic bag and threw out the box it came in. She didn’t think anyone needed the box, or the picture on the front cover. I’m not a fan of puzzles anyway so it worked out in my favor.

We saw the movie  Three Billboards Outside Ebbing Missouri, last month. One of the better acted movies I’ve seen in some time. If you haven’t seen it, I’d recommend it.

On the television front, binge watched Stranger Things, on Netflix. I’m not a big sci-fi fan but I really enjoyed this show. We also watch The Amazing Mrs Maizel on Amazon. Very funny and well acted. Set in the late 1950/ early 60’s. Recommend both if you have the services.

We went out for a late lunch the other day and were seated near a table of nine older women who were just finishing up. I heard the waiter apologize as he was giving them their individual bills because he only had seven pens. When they left and he came over to us I was teasing him about having to write-up nine bills but he just laughed it off. I asked him if that was normal for both men and women and if it varied by age. His answer surprised me. He said the two categories for separate bills, in his experience, are older women and younger men. The older women didn’t surprise me but the younger men did. I don’t think I’ve ever gone to lunch or dinner with anyone where we just didn’t split the bill, even if I thought I ordered less. But everyone is different. I just didn’t think younger men would fall into that category.

Fact…..if you’re painting a room and cover everything completely, a drop of paint will find the tiny little crevice that became separated between drop cloths. It just will.

I enjoy going shopping with my wife and I consider myself to be a pretty patient person. However, I think I’m more patient when there are a couple of chairs strategically placed in clothing stores. It doesn’t have to be fancy or especially comfortable. It just has to have four legs and a seat. I don’t think that’s too much to ask. It’s hard to believe  that retailers can’t figure out that when a women is shopping with their significant other, a place to sit goes a long way in the length of their visit, the mood they might be in, and more importantly, the direct correlation in how much they end up spending. I just don’t get it.

A few weeks ago I read that a woman from Concord, New Hampshire won 559 million dollars in the lottery but has yet to claim it because she doesn’t want anyone knowing who she is. Apparently, if she would have set up a trust before she signed the back of the ticket, the person in charge of the trust could have signed their name and she could have remained anonymous. Now I understand wanting to remain behind the curtain, but you just won life changing money and you knew the rules going into the game. She may yet win her case but at the end of the day that’s a whole lot of money. I’m not sure I’d want her problem, but I’m not sure I’d turn away from it either.

Sorry this is so long, but if you stayed till the end, ice cream is on me tonight. Whatever flavor you would like.

 

 

Double Edged Laughter

Interesting headline, don’t you think? So what was the first thought that came into your head when you read it? Come on, be honest. How about the second thought?

The real story behind this sports headline from several years ago was that Alex Rodriquez (A-Rod) hit a homer, (goes deep) and the Yankees pitcher, Chien-Ming Wang, (Wang) was injured running the bases in the same game. Did the newspaper intentionally print a suggestive double entendre headline? I’m sure they did. Did they accurately report the facts? Absolutely.

But here’s the thing. There were people who read that headline, like me, and laughed at the creativity and fun you can have with language, while others rolled their eyes, found it distasteful and hid it from the kids. I sometimes wonder what leads us to our individual reactions.

Personally, I can trace mine back to my mother. She wasn’t exactly June Cleaver. (Sorry, some of you may not remember this all American mother from the 50’s). She was different, someone who wasn’t afraid to say what she was thinking, even if those thoughts made some people blush. My mother didn’t really swear. She’d occasionally use the word hell or ass in a funny way but not in general language and nothing beyond that. Instead, she preferred using the double meaning of words in a humorous way. Sort of like the headline above.
She was funny. She loved to laugh and she loved seeing others laugh, which is why there were always people around her at a party. She loved hearing a good joke as much as telling one and if it was a bit racy, that was fine with her. She taught me about the power of humor early on, how it’s important to be able to laugh at yourself, how it can bring people together, the broad scope of it and how to play with the language in a fun and sometimes irreverent way. She had few boundaries and didn’t worry about who might be in the room. If someone was offended, she’d laugh and say they had “delicate ears.”

I was young when we started sharing jokes. If I heard a good one, I couldn’t wait to come home and tell her. I would watch as she made people laugh by twisting words into different meanings. My mother was Italian but father’s side of the family was very English and more conservative.  I can still see my very conservative Aunt Lydia blush at a story my mother was telling and laugh so hard her face turned red and her eyes watered. I can see my Aunt Sadie, whose lips never came near a curse word in her life, laugh so hard she couldn’t catch her breath, which in turn made me laugh just as hard. It was suggestive,  harmless fun.

Would all these relatives and friends be better people/christians/parents/spouses/aunts/uncles/cousins,  if they turned away from her suggestive humor and questioned her parenting abilities? Would my brother and I be better human beings if we never heard those jokes? Would we have been kicked out of Catholic school, the church and  not allowed to be altar boys for as long as we were if , God forbid, the priest and nuns knew of this “sinful” humor? Seems to me we grew up pretty well, married great ladies and raised terrific children. I don’t think anyone was scarred by her brand of humor and the jokes we heard or she told us.

As far as I know, laughter that wasn’t mean or hurtful never scarred anyone.

I just know that when I think of her, I smile. When I remember the irreverence of her stories and language, I laugh. Humor had few boundaries for her. She was a good person who enjoyed laughter and loved  sharing that laughter with others.

I would say that’s a life pretty well lived.