Tag Archives: Holiday Spirit

The Paperclip

One of my daughters saw this short video on Facebook and sent it to me.
During this season of line pushing Black Friday’s and hectic Cyber Monday’s, a little three year old girl reminds us that not everything comes with big price tags or in large packages. Most times it’s the smallest things throughout the year that matter most; a hug, a visit, a letter.

A paperclip.

 

Christmas Humor

As many of you know from past posts, I’m a very big Calvin and Hobbs fan and still hold out hope that Bill Watterson will one day ressurect the comic strip, though I know in my heart that will never happen.

Anyway, since there’s been so much bad news filling our lives these days, I decided that between now and Christmas, I’d post some of my favorite Calvin and Hobbs Christmas strips. I hope you can stand the smiles they bring.

Thanks, Bill.

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A Post That Shouldn’t Be Necessary

There are people who leave their Christmas lights up well after the holiday is over and into the summer months. Then they figure, what the heck, Christmas is only three or four months away so I might as well leave them up. That mindset leads into the following year, and the next, and the next, etc., until the lights become part of their landscape. Except they never turn them on. So they just hang there like a kid at a school dance waiting for someone to ask them to a party that was never planned.

Those people make me crazy. So if you happen to be one of those people, well…I’d Iike to say I’m sorry but I’m not so why pretend, right?

And then there’s this guy. I passed this house earlier today and it took all the self control I had not to get our of my car, ring his doorbell and ask him one question.

Why?

IMG_1094The holiday season was over four months ago and you haven’t had a moment to put Santa to bed for the season? Your reindeer look as if they’ve tried to escape from the obvious abuse and are now either wasted or begging for someone to give them a new home. It was 80 degrees yesterday. Look at them. They’re not used to this type of weather. As for the big guy, well, I wouldn’t exactly be writing up a Christmas list next year if I were you. You can’t abuse the man’s image and status and then ask him for a new scooter, you know what I mean?

Do you have any idea how many kids you’re scarring? How many parents have to speed by your lawn art so their kids don’t get a glimpse and ask the obvious question? I just don’t think you’ve given the bigger picture much consideration and for that you’re looking at coal next year, buddy.

I know you’re home because the flag is out and there were three cars parked in the driveway. Three. Which means it won’t take you and your posse that long to drag these oversized ornaments into the backyard and away from my irritated mind.

So you have a week, whomever you are, to get your act together. If it’s not gone by then, I’ll have to take matters into my own hands, though I prefer not going to the dark side. That’s so not in the four-month ago holiday spirit.

Eaten Alive………. Jersey Style

While most people might use the month of December to get into the holiday spirit by shopping for gifts, decorating their homes or attending any number of parties, Paul Rosalie has decided it might be a nice idea to throw a little extra spice into the party punch and be eaten alive by an Amazonian anaconda. Are you in the holiday spirit yet?

For those of you not familiar with an anaconda snake, they average 20 feet in length and weigh in at about 300 pounds. The largest anaconda ever recorded was 28 feet long and over 500 pounds. They typically eat their prey by wrapping themselves around their victim and strangling them before swallowing them whole. Apparently, Mr Rosalie took the Jonah and the Whale story literally. Who knew reading the bible would lead to reality television? Should have seen that one coming a few thousand years ago.

It’s not known for sure whether an anaconda can eat a full size human being because of the shoulder width involved but Mr. Rosalie seems determined to give the holiday wheel of fortune a little spin. Of course he’s taking precautions. He plans on wearing a specially designed “snake proof” suit with a cord on the top so he can be pulled out of the snake after he takes a good look around, snaps a few pictures, breaks out a picnic lunch and plants a flag. (Doesn’t everyone plant a flag when exploring?) Now, I’m all for people trying new things and exploring their inner Evil Knievel, but this seems a little extreme on the surface.

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Except for one thing. Paul Rosalie is from New Jersey. And everyone knows there isn’t an anaconda alive that’s a match for a Jersey strong naturalist. If attitude means anything the anaconda will spit him out before anyone has to try and pull him out. People from Jersey have an undeserved reputation for being unfriendly, rude, difficult and standoffish. None of that’s true of course but we let the rest of the country believe it and laugh at your ignorance because it humors us. It’s also been proven that anaconda’s can smell attitude and have always been fearful of a ride to the Pine Barrens with Silvio and Paulie Walnuts so my guess is the anaconda will cooperate with Mr. Rosalie’s little holiday adventure.

However, what I found equally interesting is that no one cares whether or not crazy Mr. Rosalie makes it out of the anaconda’s belly, but the people from PETA and A Change.org are in an uproar because they’re afraid the snake would use up too much energy swallowing and regurgitating our man of the hour. There are thousands upon thousands of signatures on a petition to prevent him from harming the snake but not one to prevent Mr. Rosalie from harming himself. I wonder if it would make a difference if he was from somewhere other than New Jersey. Maybe then some people might actually care.

As an example, what if he was from California?

I’m stoked, dude. There’s a Sigalert for the carpool lane on the south 5. It’s pretty gnarly out, bro. It’s double overhead today. Hella, this industry like the burger is bomb. I’ll take number 2, animal style.  

Nah. I mean really. Who would care about someone who spoke like that. I’d offer the dude up without the snake proof suit.

Merry Christmas, Mr. Rosalie. Can’t wait to see the picture of you and that oversized reptile on your holiday greeting card.