Tag Archives: Bizarre

Excuse Me, Are You Stiff?

 

We were traveling recently through North Carolina with a side trip on the way home through Appomattox Virginia to visit the National Park and the site of Lee’s surrender to Grant. On the way out, about two miles from the parks entrance, I passed a building that looked like an airline hangar with this sign on the side of the driveway.

img_4606 Now if this were my business and someone suggested this name, I’d probably laugh at the marketing possibilities and then come to my senses. Besides the fact the building looked like a drive through for something I’m not sure of, this is just a bad idea.

Yes, people will take pictures and remember the name but do you want your deceased loved ones taken to a place whose name is a punchline? Suggestion….first names work, as do other more comforting forms of expression.

It actually makes me wonder if the owner’s name is Stiff Bruce and he thought the name might be too insensitive.

You think I’m crazy? Take another look at the photo. The angels seem to be turning away. It seems even heaven has difficulty with the name.

You can start with the punch lines at any time. The possibilities are endless.

Anniversary Re-Blog (Sometimes We Need A LIttle Nonsense)

I couldn’t try to explain this one if i tried. Not sure where it came from..:)

Finding Waliforms

The flagon fills my senses
with nashiness, like a
bad pootie tam on a
boiled florentine nib.

It ain’t easy being
a bathroom stall. One might
be encouraged to believe
the sight lines reflect a
positive expose’ of
fresh fleshiness.

But the flesh ain’t fresh and
it’s positively not reflected
in the langoine oasis of
meringue buliciousness.

Words find their way to
my waliforms. Vulgar words.
Words that harass the membranes
of warbled tooties.

Designs of phlox drudgeries
escape from the artistic dreameries
and elope into colorful mutations
that party dress my outer being.

I’m violated in the most obensilly
numbness and no one cares. They clean
around my waliforms, freshen the airiness
with smelts of crumagen, modify the
foot foundations and humify the
prestoleum foils of zumber.

But they ignore me. My
scars, my defects. My war paint
remains for each new visitor
to transcript the imaginable.

It’s a bathroom stall. So please,
next time you visit, have a little
composition for my flecticide. If not,
you can take your prendaballs and
send them up your assimulations.

Too Bizarre To Be Bizarre

I had to read this one twice.

So a woman who lives in Utah was driving through the Nevada desert on December 27, 2011 when she hit a sagebrush, causing the vehicle to flip upside down. Unfortunately, the accident sent her husband, who was a passenger in the car she was driving, to the hospital, where he passed away on January 6, 2012. I’m sorry for the loss she and her family must have felt and still feel.

Now for the bizarre part of the story.

It seems Barbara Bagley, who was the driver of the vehicle, has filed a wrongful-death lawsuit against herself for alleged negligence in the accident that killed her spouse. You can take your time and read that line again if you’d like. Just in case you think you read it incorrectly.
Apparently, Bagley is the personal representative  of the estate of her late husband and is suing the driver, (herself), whose interests in the case are being represented by her insurance carrier. She is seeking an unspecified amount of money for damages that include medical and funeral expenses, loss of past and future financial support, the physical pain her husband suffered before he died from his injuries and the loss of love and companionship.
In her lawsuit, she claims she was negligent for failing to maintain a proper lookout and keep her vehicle under proper control.

A district judge dismissed the case in January, 2014 but last week, the appeals court reinstated the suit in a 3-0 ruling, stating that Utah statutes don’t prevent Barbara Bagley from seeking damages against herself. HUH????

The attorney’s representing Bagley against herself claim she is suing to meet her legal responsibilities on behalf of the estate, not herself. Right, she’s not looking to gain anything in this. 

So if I’m following this correctly and the lawsuit is allowed to continue, a jury would be asked to determine whether Barbara Bagley’s fault caused Barbara Bagley’s own harm. Then the jury would be asked to determine how much money would fairly compensate Barbara Bagley for the harm and loss she caused herself. If you’re confused, imagine what a jury would be going through, effectively asking a person to compensate herself.

As of now, the attorney representing one of the two Barbara Bagley’s is deciding whether to appeal to the Utah Supreme Court.

And the clock just keeps on ticking. And the hourly rates just keeps on adding up. And somewhere in Utah, there is a woman who thinks this is an appropriate path to take. But you know she didn’t come up with this on her own, right?

For so many obvious reasons, one can only hope that an appeals court feels differently and a financial settlement is not part of the end result.

 

Second Bizarre Story Of 2015

It’s hard, really hard, trying to keep up with the lunatics that inhabit my air space. It sometimes makes me wonder. But then I try not to do much of that because it just scares the hell out of me.

Like this story.

It seems like a California woman went to the home of her one time significant other baby daddy. Yes, several children are involved. Of course she tried knocking at 5:00 AM, or so she says, and when no one answered, her completely coherent mind decided the chimney would be her next best option as an entry point. But since she probably read or heard about another California woman attempting this same stunt several months earlier and getting stuck in her boyfriend’s chimney, this local Mensa cartoon character determined that the reason the other woman’s plan failed is because she had clothes on. Of course!!! How could first Crazy Cali Lady have been so dumb?
So second Crazy Cali Lady, removed her clothes, climbed up on the roof and did her best Santa sliding down the chimney impression.

But then she got stuck.

o-NAKED-WOMAN-STUCK-IN-CHIMNEY-570

 

If you look closely, you can see her soot stained legs dangling from the bottom of the chimney.  I wonder how long Engineer Jared Hazelaar, who snapped this picture, worked to get just the right angle. Because one brick more or less, and this shot takes on a whole different meaning. Imagine the jokes at the local firehouse after this rescue.

At some point, her ex-lover decided to get up for work and heard her calling out for help. My understanding is she shouted out something like, “I’m trapped in the chimney.”  Now that makes sense.
Apparently this guy went up to the roof to try to pull her out, decided it wasn’t going to work and called 911, but not before ticking her dangling feet and having her promise to use the front door the next time she visits.

It took the firemen two hours to bust open the fireplace and pull her out. During that time she asked if one of the firemen could read her, Twas The Night Before Christmas. Apparently, she was trying to figure out where she made her mistake.

So the chimney will obviously have to be rebuilt. How would you like to be the claims adjuster on that phone call? But at least the guy was able to cancel and doesn’t have to pay for his chimney sweep appointment.
And of course, the woman was taken to the hospital for minor injuries. Uh-huh. I don’t even want to think about the places she had to be treated for abrasions. And really, those jokes would be too easy.

It’s only January 8th.  Where can we possibly go from here?

 

 

The First Bizarre Story Of 2015

Apparently a Florida man and woman spent two days trapped in what they thought was a locked closet, until police let them out and found the door was never locked.

635558130929426872-Screen-Shot-2015-01-02-at-4.26.24-PM635558129787194872-Screen-Shot-2015-01-02-at-4.25.48-PM

The two geniuses are John Atwood, 31 and Amber Campbell, 25, who claim they were chased into a janitor’s closet at Daytona State college in Daytona Beach, Florida by unidentified assailants, according to the Daytona Beach Police Department’s Report.

Now let’s all pause for a moment and take a look at the mug shots. If you’re asking yourself what these two brainiac’s are doing on a college campus, well, my guess is you’re not alone.  By the way, love the dollar sign artwork on the neck. You can draw your own conclusions on the significance.

But of course, the story gets better.

The pair waited two days before calling 911. That’s right, they had cell phones and they waited an entire 48 hours before calling for help.

Police found the couple in the Marine and Environmental Science Center. Yes, I’m with you on your next obvious question and I don’t have a clue. Do either one of these two look like Scientists? I know looks can be deceiving, but come on.

After police opened the door they checked to see if the door would lock on the inside. I guess they were figuring they might have locked themselves in?  No, I can’t even go there.

Anyway, after checking, police confirmed the door had been unlocked the whole time.  They found human feces and a scouring pad in the closet, the latter of which is commonly used to smoke crack cocaine. However, no drugs were found. Wow….really? Because I needed someone to explain to me what they were doing for 48 hours and why it took them so long to find and use their cell phone in a janitor’s closet. Anyone care to lay down some money on what additional chemicals normally stored in the closet might need to be re-ordered by the University?

Arwood and Campbell were charged with trespassing. Campbell was also charged with violating her probation. I know, you’re surprised. Arwood’s criminal record includes armed burglary and theft of firearms. I’m stunned.

You know what scares me? They probably have licenses and drive a car. Think about that the next time you’re approaching an intersection or cruising the interstate.

Welcome to 2015.