Category Archives: Humor

Is This Our Reality?

I never realized how much our general population enjoys a good train wreck. As much as we say we turn away and try to shield our eyes, many still enjoy the drama. How else to explain the popularity of some reality shows?

I try to imagine someone sitting around their office or at home playing with their kids and thinking, I’m going to create a show where I place a man and a women in a dangerous, isolated jungle somewhere without any food or water for 21 days and see if they can survive the elements. Oh, and I’m going to make sure they’re completely naked during their time together. Then, I’ll get really creative with the title and call the show, Naked and Afraid.
Nine seasons running with Emmy nominations.

Then there was that person who thought, I’m going to ask a guy who is not married if he wants to meet twenty or thirty women, get to know them, romance them, share intimate moments with them and God knows what else, all while being filmed, in the hopes of meeting his future wife. I’m going to call this show, The Bachelor. It’ll be easy to find these guys and apparently easier to find a large pool of women who are willing to be jilted each week, participate in catfights, compromise themselves, all on camera,  with the hope of finding a husband. And fame, of course. This show is so successful it’s been on for twenty-three seasons and had several spinoffs including The Bachelorette, (of course), Bachelor Pad, Bachelor in Paradise, After Paradise, and The Bachelor Winter Games. (Really)

Or maybe I’ll find some rich women who are apparently bored with their money and families and ask them if they want to document their lives with other rich and bored housewives  in front of television cameras. I’ll tell them that it’s okay to be as bitchy and selfish as they want, expose their impressionable children to this type of environment and their lives to scandal and scrutiny because really, at the end of the day they have more money than they need and it really doesn’t matter what anyone watching thinks. They can care less. They’re only interested in showing off their wealth and “good side.” Just show me the money because I can never have enough of that. Let’s see, this show will start  in Orange County, (because why not), then go to New York City, New Jersey, D.C., Beverly Hills, Miami, Potomac and Dallas.
Since train wrecks are not just popular in this country Housewives was also created for Athens, Vancouver, Melbourne, Los Angeles (in French), Cheshire, Auckland, Sydney Toronto, Hungary and South Africa.

Of course there’s also Jersey Shore, Temptation Island, Love Island, Here comes Honey Boo Boo, The Kardashians, and a host of others including your favorite and mine, The Apprentice, where careers go to die.

I know if I ever chose to get into a discussion with anyone about these train wrecks I would hear about the social understanding they derive from watching, how it helps them understand what makes people and relationships tick and survive. Yeah. To that I say, blah, blah, blah.

I’d stay longer, give you more examples and try to explain the strangeness of the public’s fascination with these shows but I’ve only been writing for a short period of time and I feel like I need to take a shower and take out the garbage.

I know I probably offended some people who enjoy these shows and I know you’re probably waiting for me to say I’m sorry but there is something caught in my throat.

 

 

Keeping Up With Language

I’m not sure if you plan to watch the Grammy’s tonight. After never missing them for years, I’ve only stopped in the last couple of years. It’s become a little bizarre for me and I hate to admit it but I don’t recognize many of the performers, plus much of the music sounds the same. I know that makes me sound old and I can hear the voice of my parents when I write these words but it is what it is.

Anyway, if anyone decides to watch it, I thought I’d provide a list of slang words kids are using these days along with their meaning. Sort of a cheat sheet for those of us in the out of touch crowd. It might help you enjoy the show a little more. Or not. (Apparently the days of OMG and LOL are long gone). Even if you don’t watch the show, it’s something you might use to impress your kids or grandkids, though you ‘ll probably embarrass them when you use the words. You know how that goes.

Anyway, here we go….

Bad

Bad means good, actually better than good. It’s often a reference to someones appearance.

Bet

Bet is used when you’re in agreement with something. If someone makes plans and you say “bet” that means you’re confirming said plan. Apparently the days of a simple ok isn’t clear enough.

Don’t Trip 

It simply means not to worry or stress about something. Easy one, right?

Fam

No, not your family, but close. It’s used to describe people in your life who you’re close with, good friends or homies, but not your family.

Flewed

You hear this when someone is bragging about getting “flewed out.” It means someone “bad” got flown out to a place. The difference between flown and flewed is that the latter applies to “bad” (really attractive) people. (See how we’re bundling this up?)

Get A Bag

A bag refers to money, so to get a bag means you’re acquiring money. ( I wonder where that phrase developed its origin). Must have missed that Breaking Bad episode.

No Cap

Basically it means no lie. When someone adds “no cap” to a sentence it means they’re not lying. Conversely, “cappin means lying. So when someone says, “why you cappin,” they’re asking why someone is lying.

OKurr

This is a word made popular by Cardi B, and if you don’t know who she is, it’s probably best if you don’t watch the Grammy’s. It basically means that someone is being put in their place.

Out Of Pocket

To be out-of-pocket or to say something out-of-pocket means that something is disorderly. If you say something “out-of-pocket,’ it means your comment was out of control.

Shade

You probably have heard this one. To throw shade at someone means to make an underhanded or critical remark about someone else.

Sis

Sis can be used in multiple ways. If someone asks you what happened and you respond with “sis,” it means a whole lot of drama went sown and there’s a whole lot more to the story. However, it can also be used as a term of endearment toward a friend. I guess it’s all a matter of context.

Stan

Stan is not just a fan, but a super obsessed fan.

Tea

There are multiple ways you can have your tea. You can sip it or spill it. If you’re “sipping your tea,” it means you’re minding your own business, basically side-eyeing the situation but keeping it moving. If you’re “spilling your tea,” or “having tea,” that means you have some gossip you’re ready to share.

Thirsty

Yeah, no it doesn’t mean that. Thirsty is used to describe desperation.

Weak

When someone thinks something is funny, hilarious or entertaining, they might say, “I’m weak.”

Woke

Being “woke” means to be socially conscious and aware of social injustice.

So I was going to try to be creative and combine a few of these words into sentence but apparently that’s not something one should do. Apparently too much of a good thing is not a good thing according to the users of these creative words.

So since I’m a bit thirsty and it’s cold outside I’ll just go sip some tea.

Then again, saying something like that to the wrong person might get me in big trouble. Maybe I’ll just take a nap instead. I hope that doesn’t have a sinister meaning.

Enjoy the show. You’re welcome.

Why?

I just changed the time on sixteen clocks in our home. That doesn’t include those things like cable boxes that change automatically. The obvious question is why, in this digital age, do I have sixteen clocks to change but I already know the answer to that. I wasn’t born in a digital age and some of these pieces have some significance. Of course, some don’t, but that’s my problem..

However, the bigger question for me, is why do I have to do this? Why can’t we just agree on one set time, high-five each other and go along with our lives. Why do we go through this minutia twice a year? Why? Somehow, I think politics is involved, But then, I  think politics is involved in everything these days. I’ve become paranoid.

Next election, I’m going to vote for anyone who believes this whole spring ahead/fall back thing should be abolished and includes it on their platform. The six thousand mailers, four thousand emails and 4500 phones calls, I’ve received in the last three weeks have driven me to the breaking point. Thank God DVR’s were invented or I’d have to sit through who knows how many commercials.

So if anybody out there is listening. My vote is available.

Reality Check

When you’re dancing with your three-year old granddaughter and she suddenly stops, looks at you with a serious, concerned look on her face and says, “I think you should sit down now grandpa.”

 

I think she wanted the stage all for herself. At least that’s what I told myself. The fact that I might be embarrassing her didn’t enter my mind. I didn’t ask. Didn’t want to know the answer. You know, the whole ignorance and bliss thing. I chose that route.

 

Sign Sign, Everywhere A Sign

I love looking for fun sayings which are placed on almost anything these days. Here are some which I’ve been gathering the last few months.

I think many can attest to this one.

At least it’s something..

Yeah, well…

Don’t we all know at least one person like this!

Not a political statement but it’s hard to deny sometimes..

Enough said!

I think wine can be inserted into this also.

Okay then…

Any arguments? Didn’t think so..:)

True enough.

No argument here.

I bought this t-shirt with someone in mind…:)

I don’t know who they’re taking about..:)

It’s still a pretty long list!

It’s why I love chocolate!

This might be my favorite..:)

 

Signs Of The Times

We were walking in a park the other day and came across this sign. Normally I wouldn’t be surprised except this particular park was wide open. It has a long walking track, playground, lots of athletic fields,  a dog park, even a water park for kids in the summer. What it doesn’t have is trees. Or wooded areas. Or anywhere to do what the sign prohibits except in the open. So as I looked around I wondered where this lawbreaking activity actually took place. Could it be that men made believe they were checking the tires on a car and women spent more than the usual amount of time squatting down to get  something from under the baby stroller, out in the open? Really? I’ll have to visit more often to check out this situation. Oh yeah, those facilities near the concession stand? They’re closed until April 1st. So is it still against the law if the facilities you advertise for use are closed? Just asking.

So this is another park I was walking in last week on a trail that’s not paved. Still, I’ve never seen a sign that prohibits texting while walking. There were other signs that prohibited cell phone use, horseplay and running. I’m sure the exposed tree roots had something to do with this and I’m sure safety was a concern. Probably not as much of a concern as potential liability on the part of the township but tha’s just me being cynical. So, rule breaker that I am, I decided to jog a bit while texting and making a phone call. I tried to horseplay but I was alone and my other personalities didn’t want to play with me. Go figure.

I thought this one was interesting. The free trip portion was an attention grabber, though anyone familiar with the Catholic Church, as I am, understands that free usually comes with a price tag. Still, I thought it was clever. It reminded me of a line I heard many years ago, “Everyone wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.” Such a conundrum.

Who would have thought one would find such a profound/meaningful statement in a mall pizza joint. But here it is. Think about it. Then go hug the people you love.

Till next time….