Category Archives: Humor

There Was A Time…

I read an article recently about the changes that have occurred in our lives over the past couple of decades. The obvious ones are a result of technology and how we communicate and gather information in our daily lives. But technology has also eliminated other, less obvious items, things that seemed to fade away over a period of time. Things we no longer do.

Like….

Memorize a phone number.

I still have phones numbers memorized but that’s because I’m ancient. It used to be something I always did. Now it’s not necessary. Everything is on your phone or in the cloud.

Use a phone book to book up a business or name

I’m sure there is a generation of young people who don’t know what the “yellow pages” are and have never seen something called a phone book. But for many years, this was the way we looked up  phone numbers and even addresses of people we wanted to contact. This is how we found contractors to do work around the house or businesses for everyday needs. There was no Angie’s List or reviews on different sites to help determine who you wanted to hire. It was the phone book or word of mouth.

Selling your car with a cardboard sign stuck in the windshield.

I’ll still see this one occasionally, parked in some random location with a phone number and price included. But not often. On line sites, including Craigslist took care of that some years back.

Figure out math in your head

Paying cash for something is becoming more unusual these days but it’s always fun to pay in cash and give the person behind the register some change to eliminate pennies or some bills. They stare at their hands in confusion and look back up at you like committed some crime. Alexa does homework for kids sop that simple math is done with a voice request or on a calculator sitting on your phone.

Calling and asking someone “where are you?”

In this age of technology, all you have to do is download a phone tracker app and everyone you need to find can be located. No more wondering how long before they’ll home for dinner. Well, they could be in traffic, but there’s an app for that also.

Telling time by the hands on a clock

There is an entire generation of young people that either can’t do this or have difficulty with it. When I did some substitute teaching, analog clocks were still in some classrooms and I would always have fun asking kids for the time. I could probably write a blog on those responses.

Photo Albums

Sure some of them are still out there and being made but probably not by younger generations. Can you see them printing an image at some local photo shop store, taking 50 or hundred 4×6 or 5×7 photos back home and placing them in a photo album they purchased at Walmart? Digital photography and photo sharing services have all but eliminated that process.

Have a CD or record collection

There are still collectors and purists out there that collect but like photography, music is digital. Napster, (ancient now), paved the way for lots of music being condensed into tiny formats you can easily carry around with you.

Make mixtapes

I still have drawers filled with these and no where to play them. Actually, I think I still have an old boom box somewhere. I used to love finding just the right song to add onto a specific tape. I’d copy them from radios or records. Anywhere I could.

Calling a theatre for movie times

I remember having to call a movie theatre and listen to a recording listing the movies and times they were being shown. Sometimes you’d pick up the recording mid loop and have to wait for it to begin all over again to hear about the movie you wanted to see. Alexa has that covered now.

Blockbuster 

One store left in the world and theres a whole generation of young people who probably never heard the word.

Record your favorite movie or show on tape. 

I can’t tell you how many VHS tapes I still have with movies and shows I can watch anytime I want on any streaming service. I can even pull up a specific scene. I just can’t convince myself to get rid of those old tapes. And I don’t know why.

Watch shows when they’re broadcast live.

I’ve probably done this at some point in the last few months but I don’t remember when and for what reason. DVR and no commercials. A wonderful invention.

Run to the store for a last minute gift

Amazon has taken care of that problem. If you’re near an Amazon hub you can get something the same day.

Cut things out of the newspaper

I used to do that all the time if I found an article I liked and wanted to keep. Copy and text eliminated that.

Send a handwritten letter

Sigh. This is something I wish would never go away. There is something so personal about receiving a handwritten note. I could, and have written at length about this but since some schools don’t even teach handwriting anymore after a certain grade, it’ll be something that is gone soon. And that’s unfortunate.

Looking up the spelling of words in a dictionary

Spellcheck and autocorrect has taken care of that for us, even placing words never intended into spots that create some uncomfortable moments for us.

Using a phone booth to make a telephone call

I don’t remember the last time I saw one, even one that was busted up. I kind of miss them but not the millions of particles of germs that probably came along with the experience.

Carrying cash

Years ago, I gave each of daughters a twenty dollar bill and told them to stick in their wallets and use it only in the event of an emergency. Occasionally I used to ask to see it. Now everyone has a credit or debit card. I think I might have to ask for those 20’s back and go out for a nice little dinner with the wife. But my guess is they’re long gone.

Using a travel agent

Travel agents still serve a purpose if you’re panning an elaborate trip but for basic flights and hotels it’s a do it yourself kind of thing. There are lots of sites that can provide reviews and book flights and hotels.

Getting old checks back from the bank every month. 

Some people still write checks. I even write one or two every month but this too will soon be eliminated. Security does make me nervous but I’ve gotten over it. Most of the time.

So what about you? Anything minor items that you can think of that technology has replaced?

When A Couple Of Days Becomes A Couple Of Months

Sooooo…..how’s it going out there?

Been a while for me. Not that anyone is counting days but my last post was two months ago. That’s a long time without a sound in the blogosphere, especially when there is no justifiable reason. I’m fine, family is fine, (thankfully), weather is getting warmer, another Idol has been crowned, it’s lighter longer, politics is still an embarrassment and Thrones has finished.

And I’ve been gone.

Some people I know were celebrating that fact. Sorry to disappoint you.

It’s one thing to take a planned hiatus, understanding that you need to step away for any number of reasons. But I never planned to take a break. Two days suddenly became two months and I feel like I’ve missed a lot. So why the disappearing act? ( I’ll explain, in case you’re interested, of course.)

Well, March through July is usually a pretty busy time for our immediate family. We celebrate ten birthdays in a very short period of time, all of which have some sort of party. Throw in Mother’s Day, Easter, Fathers’ Day and our wedding anniversary and the days and weekends are pretty full. But then this year came along and we added two communions, two dance recitals, a kickboxing tournament and a college graduation to the mix.

But I’m just getting started.

In March decided to begin two projects around the house, both of which involves contacting contractors, waiting for them to possibly show up, getting quotes and scheduling the work. Two major projects. Call seven people and you’re lucky if three show up. For each project.
Oh, then there was that separate problem with water in the basement around the sump pump and contacting a half dozen people, each of whom had their own ideas and cost on how to fix it. Yeah, that was fun. This last ten months of constant rain has been a blast. Noah’s never around when you need him most

There’s more but I don’t want to wear out my dubious welcome.

Now, I don’t know about you but for me to write anything or string two sentences together, the stars pretty much have to align, and by that I mean, it has to be quiet, not only in the room I’m in, but in my head as well. Crowded mind, cluttered mind.  I’m not from the Stephen King school of writing.
You know those times when you’re moving through the day and you come up with an idea or two for a blog and you write it down so you won’t forget? I was never able to get to a pencil or paper or phone fast enough. And at my age, if I don’t record it at that moment it becomes like the leaves of an oak tree during a nor’easter in the fall.

Now I’m not complaining at all. I know I’m blessed. All the things I’ve mentioned are good things, except the water/weather problem, of course, but the Man upstairs seems to have a different opinion of that than I do. We’ve differed before. That’s okay. We always seem to make up.

We’re only halfway through the party/celebration season but at least the projects are now completed so I feel theres been a little more quiet in my head. A little more focus. Or at least as much focus as I’m capable of. Don’t expect too much.

So, that’s my explanation/excuse. It’s not much but it’s all I have. I know I’ve missed a lot and I’m sorry about that. If you want to break up, it’s understandable, You can even keep the ring. We’ll call it even.

 

Is This Our Reality?

I never realized how much our general population enjoys a good train wreck. As much as we say we turn away and try to shield our eyes, many still enjoy the drama. How else to explain the popularity of some reality shows?

I try to imagine someone sitting around their office or at home playing with their kids and thinking, I’m going to create a show where I place a man and a women in a dangerous, isolated jungle somewhere without any food or water for 21 days and see if they can survive the elements. Oh, and I’m going to make sure they’re completely naked during their time together. Then, I’ll get really creative with the title and call the show, Naked and Afraid.
Nine seasons running with Emmy nominations.

Then there was that person who thought, I’m going to ask a guy who is not married if he wants to meet twenty or thirty women, get to know them, romance them, share intimate moments with them and God knows what else, all while being filmed, in the hopes of meeting his future wife. I’m going to call this show, The Bachelor. It’ll be easy to find these guys and apparently easier to find a large pool of women who are willing to be jilted each week, participate in catfights, compromise themselves, all on camera,  with the hope of finding a husband. And fame, of course. This show is so successful it’s been on for twenty-three seasons and had several spinoffs including The Bachelorette, (of course), Bachelor Pad, Bachelor in Paradise, After Paradise, and The Bachelor Winter Games. (Really)

Or maybe I’ll find some rich women who are apparently bored with their money and families and ask them if they want to document their lives with other rich and bored housewives  in front of television cameras. I’ll tell them that it’s okay to be as bitchy and selfish as they want, expose their impressionable children to this type of environment and their lives to scandal and scrutiny because really, at the end of the day they have more money than they need and it really doesn’t matter what anyone watching thinks. They can care less. They’re only interested in showing off their wealth and “good side.” Just show me the money because I can never have enough of that. Let’s see, this show will start  in Orange County, (because why not), then go to New York City, New Jersey, D.C., Beverly Hills, Miami, Potomac and Dallas.
Since train wrecks are not just popular in this country Housewives was also created for Athens, Vancouver, Melbourne, Los Angeles (in French), Cheshire, Auckland, Sydney Toronto, Hungary and South Africa.

Of course there’s also Jersey Shore, Temptation Island, Love Island, Here comes Honey Boo Boo, The Kardashians, and a host of others including your favorite and mine, The Apprentice, where careers go to die.

I know if I ever chose to get into a discussion with anyone about these train wrecks I would hear about the social understanding they derive from watching, how it helps them understand what makes people and relationships tick and survive. Yeah. To that I say, blah, blah, blah.

I’d stay longer, give you more examples and try to explain the strangeness of the public’s fascination with these shows but I’ve only been writing for a short period of time and I feel like I need to take a shower and take out the garbage.

I know I probably offended some people who enjoy these shows and I know you’re probably waiting for me to say I’m sorry but there is something caught in my throat.

 

 

Keeping Up With Language

I’m not sure if you plan to watch the Grammy’s tonight. After never missing them for years, I’ve only stopped in the last couple of years. It’s become a little bizarre for me and I hate to admit it but I don’t recognize many of the performers, plus much of the music sounds the same. I know that makes me sound old and I can hear the voice of my parents when I write these words but it is what it is.

Anyway, if anyone decides to watch it, I thought I’d provide a list of slang words kids are using these days along with their meaning. Sort of a cheat sheet for those of us in the out of touch crowd. It might help you enjoy the show a little more. Or not. (Apparently the days of OMG and LOL are long gone). Even if you don’t watch the show, it’s something you might use to impress your kids or grandkids, though you ‘ll probably embarrass them when you use the words. You know how that goes.

Anyway, here we go….

Bad

Bad means good, actually better than good. It’s often a reference to someones appearance.

Bet

Bet is used when you’re in agreement with something. If someone makes plans and you say “bet” that means you’re confirming said plan. Apparently the days of a simple ok isn’t clear enough.

Don’t Trip 

It simply means not to worry or stress about something. Easy one, right?

Fam

No, not your family, but close. It’s used to describe people in your life who you’re close with, good friends or homies, but not your family.

Flewed

You hear this when someone is bragging about getting “flewed out.” It means someone “bad” got flown out to a place. The difference between flown and flewed is that the latter applies to “bad” (really attractive) people. (See how we’re bundling this up?)

Get A Bag

A bag refers to money, so to get a bag means you’re acquiring money. ( I wonder where that phrase developed its origin). Must have missed that Breaking Bad episode.

No Cap

Basically it means no lie. When someone adds “no cap” to a sentence it means they’re not lying. Conversely, “cappin means lying. So when someone says, “why you cappin,” they’re asking why someone is lying.

OKurr

This is a word made popular by Cardi B, and if you don’t know who she is, it’s probably best if you don’t watch the Grammy’s. It basically means that someone is being put in their place.

Out Of Pocket

To be out-of-pocket or to say something out-of-pocket means that something is disorderly. If you say something “out-of-pocket,’ it means your comment was out of control.

Shade

You probably have heard this one. To throw shade at someone means to make an underhanded or critical remark about someone else.

Sis

Sis can be used in multiple ways. If someone asks you what happened and you respond with “sis,” it means a whole lot of drama went sown and there’s a whole lot more to the story. However, it can also be used as a term of endearment toward a friend. I guess it’s all a matter of context.

Stan

Stan is not just a fan, but a super obsessed fan.

Tea

There are multiple ways you can have your tea. You can sip it or spill it. If you’re “sipping your tea,” it means you’re minding your own business, basically side-eyeing the situation but keeping it moving. If you’re “spilling your tea,” or “having tea,” that means you have some gossip you’re ready to share.

Thirsty

Yeah, no it doesn’t mean that. Thirsty is used to describe desperation.

Weak

When someone thinks something is funny, hilarious or entertaining, they might say, “I’m weak.”

Woke

Being “woke” means to be socially conscious and aware of social injustice.

So I was going to try to be creative and combine a few of these words into sentence but apparently that’s not something one should do. Apparently too much of a good thing is not a good thing according to the users of these creative words.

So since I’m a bit thirsty and it’s cold outside I’ll just go sip some tea.

Then again, saying something like that to the wrong person might get me in big trouble. Maybe I’ll just take a nap instead. I hope that doesn’t have a sinister meaning.

Enjoy the show. You’re welcome.

Why?

I just changed the time on sixteen clocks in our home. That doesn’t include those things like cable boxes that change automatically. The obvious question is why, in this digital age, do I have sixteen clocks to change but I already know the answer to that. I wasn’t born in a digital age and some of these pieces have some significance. Of course, some don’t, but that’s my problem..

However, the bigger question for me, is why do I have to do this? Why can’t we just agree on one set time, high-five each other and go along with our lives. Why do we go through this minutia twice a year? Why? Somehow, I think politics is involved, But then, I  think politics is involved in everything these days. I’ve become paranoid.

Next election, I’m going to vote for anyone who believes this whole spring ahead/fall back thing should be abolished and includes it on their platform. The six thousand mailers, four thousand emails and 4500 phones calls, I’ve received in the last three weeks have driven me to the breaking point. Thank God DVR’s were invented or I’d have to sit through who knows how many commercials.

So if anybody out there is listening. My vote is available.