Category Archives: Humor

Double Edged Laughter

Interesting headline, don’t you think? So what was the first thought that came into your head when you read it? Come on, be honest. How about the second thought?

The real story behind this sports headline from several years ago was that Alex Rodriquez (A-Rod) hit a homer, (goes deep) and the Yankees pitcher, Chien-Ming Wang, (Wang) was injured running the bases in the same game. Did the newspaper intentionally print a suggestive double entendre headline? I’m sure they did. Did they accurately report the facts? Absolutely.

But here’s the thing. There were people who read that headline, like me, and laughed at the creativity and fun you can have with language, while others rolled their eyes, found it distasteful and hid it from the kids. I sometimes wonder what leads us to our individual reactions.

Personally, I can trace mine back to my mother. She wasn’t exactly June Cleaver. (Sorry, some of you may not remember this all American mother from the 50’s). She was different, someone who wasn’t afraid to say what she was thinking, even if those thoughts made some people blush. My mother didn’t really swear. She’d occasionally use the word hell or ass in a funny way but not in general language and nothing beyond that. Instead, she preferred using the double meaning of words in a humorous way. Sort of like the headline above.
She was funny. She loved to laugh and she loved seeing others laugh, which is why there were always people around her at a party. She loved hearing a good joke as much as telling one and if it was a bit racy, that was fine with her. She taught me about the power of humor early on, how it’s important to be able to laugh at yourself, how it can bring people together, the broad scope of it and how to play with the language in a fun and sometimes irreverent way. She had few boundaries and didn’t worry about who might be in the room. If someone was offended, she’d laugh and say they had “delicate ears.”

I was young when we started sharing jokes. If I heard a good one, I couldn’t wait to come home and tell her. I would watch as she made people laugh by twisting words into different meanings. My mother was Italian but father’s side of the family was very English and more conservative.  I can still see my very conservative Aunt Lydia blush at a story my mother was telling and laugh so hard her face turned red and her eyes watered. I can see my Aunt Sadie, whose lips never came near a curse word in her life, laugh so hard she couldn’t catch her breath, which in turn made me laugh just as hard. It was suggestive,  harmless fun.

Would all these relatives and friends be better people/christians/parents/spouses/aunts/uncles/cousins,  if they turned away from her suggestive humor and questioned her parenting abilities? Would my brother and I be better human beings if we never heard those jokes? Would we have been kicked out of Catholic school, the church and  not allowed to be altar boys for as long as we were if , God forbid, the priest and nuns knew of this “sinful” humor? Seems to me we grew up pretty well, married great ladies and raised terrific children. I don’t think anyone was scarred by her brand of humor and the jokes we heard or she told us.

As far as I know, laughter that wasn’t mean or hurtful never scarred anyone.

I just know that when I think of her, I smile. When I remember the irreverence of her stories and language, I laugh. Humor had few boundaries for her. She was a good person who enjoyed laughter and loved  sharing that laughter with others.

I would say that’s a life pretty well lived.

 

 

 

 

 

When Words Fail, You Need Photos

Sometimes you see something and really don’t know what to say or how to react to it. That’s how I felt when I walked into a store in Lexington Kentucky last month and saw a collection of unusual Christmas trees for sale. Now I understand that people have their own personal tastes and some of their choices can be…well, a little different. But I’m not here to judge, I’m only here to present some options for your holiday decorating plans as you begin the process of the season, and if I get lucky, maybe some answers.

So here is a sampling of Christmas trees I came across while walking through this mainstream Kentucky store.

For the person who has difficulty making up their mind on lights, colors and season and won’t mind if someone eats or drinks too much and needs a place to get sick, I present The Sick To My Stomach Nausea Christmas Tree

For the person whose life has been a little crazy these days and can’t really decide what’s up or down, I present The Inverted Christmas Tree of Life

For the person who loves Halloween and wants to bring some of that season, a little of Thanksgiving and some showgirl colors into their home, I present The All Inclusive Burlesque Christmas Tree.

For the frustrated and recently fired, former employee of The Crayola Company, I present The Ugly Pastel Christmas Trees.

For the person who went to their local Christmas Tree farm and couldn’t decide what type of tree they should get, what scent they liked, how strong their branches should be or if Frosty came with the whole multi colored green ensemble, I present The Confused Buyer Christmas Tree.

For the single man who requires companionship on cold winter holiday evenings, doesn’t care for blow-ups and believes this look is something that may keep him warm, I present The Floozie Mannequin Christmas Tree.

And finally, for the person who thinks angels really dress like this or is just confused from watching too many Christmas shows, I present the It’s A Wonderful Life Christmas Tree.

So there it is folks. Photos taken on October 3rd, 2017. Untouched and documented by yours truly. You can’t make it up.

Now, if any of you have one of these trees in your home, ( a possibility), and feel insulted by my comments, (unlikely), maybe you can respond and provide me with your purchase thought process. ‘Cause really, I need some closure and something to help me remove the scars created by these images. Therapy sessions have not helped.

So please. If you’re out there……

Intercourse

We always enjoy visiting Amish country around Lancaster, Pa. While retail outlets, hotels, entertainment venues and restaurants of every kind have taken away some of the simplicity and quaintness during the past thirty years, it still remains a peaceful, pretty place, as long as you where to go.

Pennsylvania Dutch Country has towns with unique names, (including the one below), which the retailers seem to have fun with.

During our last visit, I took some photos of the t-shirts for sale in some of the stores. I wonder what the Amish must think.

And yes, the town of Intercourse is actually between the towns of Blue Ball and Paradise. And yes, I own that baseball hat.

How could I not?

Three Quotes And A Photo

We took a two-week road trip recently through Virginia, Tennessee and Kentucky, (another blog), and I came across three quotes or phrases that I thought were fun, along with one very interesting photo.

The phrases first…

What is a bookshelf other than a treasure chest for a curious mind.
(I like this for all the obvious reasons)

Say what you will about the south but no one retires and moves north.
(I never thought about this before but there is some truth to the words)

Intoxicated people, children and leggings, never lie.
(Well now, we can go on forever about this line)

As for the photo, I was stopped at a light in Lexington, Kentucky and saw this window advertisement for the attached business.


Now, I’m not really sure what kind of establishment this is. Is it a bait and tackle shop? A bar and grill? I was thinking maybe both but the fine print right next to her lips and below the anchor says…you’re sure to catch something.

That altered my mindset just a bit. While I was tempted to investigate, I thought better of it and left when the light turned green. Not that I wasn’t curious but you know what they say about curiosity.

Besides, I just wasn’t in the mood to catch anything from a place called Ole Hookers.

Not Today

I love Christmas. It’s one of my favorite holidays even though I think it’s been commercialized beyond what any sane person would consider reasonable. It makes rational people do irrational things.

So when I walked into a store the other day and the temperature was 82 degrees outside and the calendar still read summer and there were inflatable Christmas decorations playing Jingle Bells I felt it was time to draw the line.

So I took a quick look around and decided to pull the plug on Christmas. The inflated quickly deflated, the bells no longer jingled, and I walked away smiling.

It’s not time yet, people. It’s still summer and I refuse to allow anyone to cut a short season even shorter by pushing something onto me before I’m ready.  So this is a warning to all retailers. I’ll be watching. If I visit your store and you decide to be obnoxious about when you present your Christmas displays, then be prepared to re-inflate. If, of course, you can find the extension cord  I hid.

What? You thought I’d make it easy for you?

P.S. You see, this is why I shop at Amazon. I don’t have to deal with Jingle Bells before it’s time.

 

Random Thoughts

I know I haven’t posted much in the last few weeks, but summer is like that for me. My mind tends to go on vacation because it’s not being paid enough to stay and play. Still, I’ve been thinking and reading about things during those times where I force my brain to function and I thought I’d share them with you before I forget what I was planning on writing, which seems to happen with some frequency these days. I know most of you can relate.

So here it goes…

People Watching

While I’ve always enjoyed people watching, (and sometimes eavesdropping), trying to figure out       who these people are, what they’re doing and what kind of relationship they’re in; I’ve found that it’s infinitely more enjoyable to people watch when you’re having ice cream. The whole experience gets taken up several notches and because ice cream is such a pleasant experience I tend not to be as harsh in my assessments even when big doses of harsh are warranted.
That being said, I sometimes shake my head at how scary crazy some of these people are and when I see them walk away and get into the driver’s seat of a car I seriously consider giving up my car or moving to a place where horses or golf carts with a max speed of 15 MPH are the only form of transportation.

Easy A’s

I read recently that nearly half of this country’s 2016 graduating class are A students even though their average SAT scores fell from 1026 to 1002. However, grade inflation is not only on the rise in high schools. Apparently the most popular grade in colleges nationwide is an A. In fact, close to 50% of all college grades given are A’s, very different from two decades ago when the average GPA at a four-year college was 3.11.
I wonder what happens when these young people enter the work force and realize they have to work much harder to keep their jobs then they did to maintain their grades. The system is not doing them any favors.

Value

I also read recently that a Dad’s value in 2017 has risen to $26,125, a 28% increase from six years ago when it was $20, 415.
Of course before you men out there get a little puffy in the chest as you sometimes do, take note that a mothers value totaled a record $67, 619.
Interesting how the most important job a person can have is recognized and analyzed and calculated but not paid out. The work force, however, has very different standards and values associated with a woman’s unequal worth to men.
The inequities are shameful.

Whisper

During one of people watching moments, I sat and listened at a parent yelling at their children for not doing something they were told to do. The children did not seem at all fazed by this public outburst and I was reminded of something I heard a while back. Don’t yell at your children. Get real close to them and whisper. It’s much scarier.
Why parents don’t follow that simple rule is beyond me. But i don’t really mind. It makes people watching much more enjoyable.

Tipping

I always tip fairly. Whenever we go out to eat I almost never tip less than 20%, sometimes more.  You’d have to drop a meal in my lap and a bowl of soup on my head to give you less and even then, I’d feel bad short-changing  someone. Having been a server before, I understand how tough a job it is.
But it seems everywhere I go now there is a tip jar on the counter. People want tips for simply taking my money, giving me change or a piece of paper to sign a credit card slip. What’s they all about? I can’t get a loaf of bread at the bakery with a tip jar staring at me. I used to feel guilty if I didn’t put something in, now I tend not to notice them anymore. I keep waiting to find a jar at the doctor’s office or a bank. I might lose it then.

Education?

Finally, (no cheering please), there is a school district in Texas that approved by a 6-0 vote to allow corporal punishment by way of a paddle when students misbehaves at school. Of course parents have to opt in or out of the policy at the beginning of the school year. In addition to Texas, seven other states allow for corporal punishment, including Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, Louisiana, Mississippi and Tennessee.
I don’t think I need to comment on this item. The information speaks for itself. You are free to form your own opinions and comment as you like.

Well, that just about wore me out. I think I’ll go get my beauty rest and try to recover with an ice cream cone.

See you soon!