The Things We Don’t Say

Nothing haunts us like the things we don’t say.
Mitch Albom

This is not an elephant in the room kind of thing where the problem we all acknowledge keeps getting pushed under the carpet. This is more about an unspoken hug. It’s about the things we don’t say because we don’t know if the person we care about wants to hear them or if the words are just inadequate.

It’s about love, and pain. It’s about hurt, and loss. It’s about moments that stay with us forever but never get acknowledged once we’ve moved past them.

It’s about remembering, and forgetting. It’s about understanding, and learning. It’s about wanting to put your arms around someone you care about and tell them you can’t begin to understand their hurt or loss but you think about them everyday. It’s about wanting to let them know that you see past the smile.

This is about learning to live with the kind of loss that is not openly discussed. It’s about what if, and never was. It’s about what you can’t get back, and what you can’t let go.

It’s about remembering.

It’s always about remembering.

So when I walked over and hugged you the other day for no apparent reason , it was my way of letting you know that I remember, too. That I wish things were different for you. For all of us. Because for as Β long as the people who love you have breath, you’ll never be alone.

And if there comes a time when you feel that words might bring you a sense of comfort, I’ll know before you begin speaking.

And I’ll see you there.

 

69 thoughts on “The Things We Don’t Say

  1. Lynn

    George, your words truly touched me. I not certain of the reason for them or why but I sense there is some healing that needs to take place. Wishing you & the recipient of both your hug & your beautiful words a peaceful heart.

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. George Post author

      That’s so nice of you to say, Lynn. I think we all know people who find healing difficult, and in some cases, impossible. We all carry these crosses with us at different points in our lives, some more so than others. Speaking about it is difficult and I understand why. Thank you for your beautiful response.

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    1. George Post author

      Thank you, Sheldon. You’re right about seeing the hurt in someone’s eyes, knowing how they must feel and being powerless to help. It is, as you say, another piece in the puzzle of life.

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  2. Jodi

    Oh George… such deep and beautiful emotion. Hugs can mean so much more than a billion words. I’m so glad you could hug your friend and speak those unspoken words, and I hope they were received with the healing and love intended! Virtual hugs to you from Mars!

    Liked by 2 people

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    1. George Post author

      Thank you, Jodi. You’re so right about the power of hugs. I hug everyone and my guess is you’re the same way..:) There is a great healing power in someone’s arms..:)

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  3. DailyMusings

    Beautifully said George-very touching and I can relate to your words- the understanding between people we love and the silent communication to express it. I do hope things are alright with you and your family

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    1. George Post author

      Thank you, Lisa. Yes, everyone is good, thank God. I just think we all have people in our lives who we hug and hurt for in different ways. The hugs are really for both of us..:)

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  4. sportsattitudes

    Very appropriate for my life as well George. I can relate to the sentiment here. Actions taken and not taken. Words spoken and not spoken. Letting go and holding back. And those smiles …they don’t always reflect the reality.

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  5. Ann Coleman

    This was so beautiful and touching! As much as I believe in the power of words, there are times when they are completely inadequate. Sometimes a hug conveys compassion and understanding in a way that nothing else can. I’m glad you were able to give that hug, and sorry that someone you love is dealing with such profound loss.

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    1. George Post author

      Thank you, Ann. I appreciate your words. You’re right about hugs and how much they mean to someone. I’m a hugger so it’s easy for me. Sometimes we want to do more but can’t and we’ve all been there, in those moments when you can see what someone is thinking and feeling and a hug is the first thing you want to do..:) I guess it makes us feel a little less helpless.

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      1. Ann Coleman

        I think helping others always makes us feel better. There are times when we just want to fix things, but we know we can’t. And then all we can offer is ourselves and our willingness to do whatever it takes to comfort someone. Sometimes the tragedy is beyond our powers to fix, but we can always let people know we are there, walking with them….

        Liked by 1 person

  6. Melody Procter

    Thanks for sharing this powerful and true post. If we all just spent a little more time looking up and smiling instead of down at our always handy device imaging the difference it would make in the world.

    Liked by 1 person

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  7. reocochran

    This is late comment and just want to say this so, so true!
    Words do make a difference. Sometimes just to get them out there and feel you tried.
    Just about a week ago, I lost three people I cared about. One was my son’s childhood friend who was aching and missing his Dad who had just passed away from cancer. Why would a 35 year old commit suicide? One never knows but forever after my son will wonder. . . what words could have made this young man’s decision be different? We tell my son it wasn’t anyone’s fault. . .
    A co-worker left her job two Fridays ago, I knew her for nine years and others 42 years at same warehouse job. She never woke up on Saturday. She was 65. I usually smiled at her and maybe talked for one or two minutes but our jobs are so rushed. Some wish they had said a simple “Have a nice weekend.”
    Lastly, most sadly my oldest daughter’s best friend’s mother passed away. It is most difficult because she refused visitors and my two grandsons had been babysat by her since potty training days (8 + 12 years old) They wanted to say they loved her and goodbye. So, yes. Words should be spoken whenever possible. Beautiful, George!
    Hope you have a blessed Easter and much joy in your life! πŸ’πŸ₯πŸ‡

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. George Post author

      Thank you and yes, we should say the words we want to say when we have the chance to speak them. I’m so sorry forgot losses, so close together and so young. My prayers to their family and friends during this difficult time.
      Have a blessed Easter.

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  8. Kim Gorman

    What a beautiful post, George! Poetic. I think about what you’ve said here a lot when it comes to my marriage. Things get so complicated between my husband and I sometimes, and there are loving words I want to say, but I hold back for some reason. Your post makes me think what a waste it is not to say the words. Thanks.

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    1. George Post author

      Thank you, Kim. Love and relationships can be complicated and sometimes we don’t say the things we want to say because we’re afraid of how it might be received or if we’ll be hurt by their response. Vulnerability is a tough thing. The only thing you can do is say what you want to say. At the end of the day, you can at least say you love done and said all you could…:)

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