Can’t Touch This

I have this condition not many people know about. I touch things when I’m not supposed to. So my guess is your eyes just got wide or you started to smile while your mind began to race.  Really? He’s going to go there? That’s out of the ordinary for him but okay, I’ll listen. For a moment.
Sorry to disappoint you but you need to elevate your thoughts.

My touching problem is related to times when I’ve been instructed by signs or people not to touch certain things.

As an example, if I walk into a store that’s selling expensive pieces and there’s a sign that tells me not to touch anything, it’s like an invitation for me touch everything I can put my fingers on.

Just because.

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If I walk into a historic home and I’m told not to touch the wallpaper or pieces of furniture, guess who needs to find a way. I’m sorry but as I mentioned earlier, it’s just a condition I was diagnosed with years ago. It’s called PWCSTFTSTNST. That’s short for, People Who Can’t Stop Themselves From Touching Stuff They’re Not Supposed To.

Apparently it’s very rare. Or maybe it’s not.

I think it’s related to some kind of defiant disorder which I don’t have but use whenever I need to explain myself to the security guards who ask me to leave these establishments.

It’s like going for a test at the doctor or dentist’s office and they tell you not to move while they’re taking an x-ray. Why is it you develop an itch that you need to scratch, just at that moment. This is sort of like that without the historical or monetary issues behind it.

I just have a need to touch history and wealth. What can I say?

Anyway, I decided to leave you with this video since I think of this song every time I see one of these signs. Admit it, you love this song. If you were around in 1990 you probably have the album. The only question is whether you bought the pants.

51 thoughts on “Can’t Touch This

  1. edgar62

    “Elevate your thoughts” I’m just odd and never considered the necessity to do so – I don’t think like that – touching and my thoughts went to Midas. My second thought was “Hmm, I wish I knew his address. I have a couple of goblets that I can send him and he can “touch” for me. :o) Then I read the rest —- Oh Well …

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  2. http://www.salpa58.wordpress.com

    As far as the touching thing. My youngest son had that habit but he broke a few things in a few stores but I cured him. It started when he was two and when ever we were going shopping before we went into the store or the mall I made him put his hands in his pockets and he was not allowed to remove them until we were in the parking lot. This went on every single time we went shopping. When he was five we were going shopping as we were getting out of the car I said; “OK Kevin you know the drill, hands in pockets”.
    His reply; “Mom PLEASE I swear I won’t touch any thing, I will just look I swear”.
    “Okay but if you dare touch even one item the deal is off until you are eighteen”.
    He was cured!!!! He is now forty three and still remembers it well. We do laugh about it. If nothing else it remains a great memory.
    Loved this post.
    As far as the dancing. If I had to dance at that pace at my age I would be dead before the second minute. Unless I could do it sitting in a chair. :o)

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    1. George Post author

      That’s why I am the way I am. My parents never tried that trick on me. Is it too late to blame them for this disorder?
      I’m with you on the dancing. Even when I was younger I couldn’t move like that..:)

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  3. Kim Gorman

    Lol, I do love this song, and I’m proud to admit it! 🙂 As I read this, I wasn’t thinking that you aren’t defiant or rebellious, I was thinking that there’s still part of the little boy in you that likes to touch everything! That’s how children learn, little boys especially (though I admit as a mother of four sons and sister to four younger brothers, I haven’t a clue about little girls). Keep on touching, George, just as long as what you touch isn’t female or human 🙂

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    1. George Post author

      Lol…I laughed when you said I still have the little boy in me because you nailed it. I guess I’m still learning😊
      And I’ll stay away from anything that might get me in trouble..:)

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  4. Jodi

    Lol! So I touch people! Not inappropriately but I just have to touch. One time in a restaurant I heard my boys whispering and snickering. Then. After the waiter left. They declared, in unison, “6!” Apparently they had made a bet on how long it would take me to touch the waiter. Just a hand on his arm in a jestful laugh, but. It only took me 6 seconds apparently to feel the need to touch. What can I say… ??? 😝

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  5. Lynn

    I consider myself to be a tactile person. When I walk through a store, I need to touch things. I don’t really know why, but I just do! I chuckled when I read Jodi’s comment as I also find it hard not to touch people😉

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  6. thechickengrandma

    I read the “elevate your thoughts” and laughed. The first thing I thought of when you spoke of touching things was my oldest son. Years ago when the Tickle Me Elmo things came out we were in a store that had an entire display of them covering 4 shelves. By the time we walked (quickly) out of that store; my son had squeezed every last one of them and had their battery operated bodies shaking and giggling off the shelves. It still makes me laugh.
    Thanks for bringing back great memories!

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  7. Ann Coleman

    You are so funny! But I can relate to this. Not that I have a need to touch things so much as I have a need to touch something as soon as someone tells me I can’t! It’s a problem when I’m in a fancy art museum…..
    And I have always liked that song by MC Hammer. I didn’t own the album, but it reminds me of the grade school dances they used to hold when my children were small. You haven’t lived until you’ve seen a gymnasium full of elementary school children dancing to “Can’t Touch This” or “YMCA,” led by the teachers who are dancing on stage!

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    1. George Post author

      That’s my problem also, Ann. Once someone tells me I can’t touch something or take a photo of something I feel a need to do it to see if I can..:) I keep waiting for the day someone calls me on it but I think the older I get the less likely that may happen..:)
      Those elementary school dances must have been a sight. Too bad you didn’t take movies for blackmail purposes. Or did you…:)

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  8. reocochran

    When I was younger, I was particularly “bad” at this, opening up drawers and peeking in medicine cabinets. I am funny, now am not so curious about things inside places but do love looking into tunnels, holes in trees and behind houses, George. I love gardens and natural wonders!

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