It’s hard, really hard, trying to keep up with the lunatics that inhabit my air space. It sometimes makes me wonder. But then I try not to do much of that because it just scares the hell out of me.
Like this story.
It seems like a California woman went to the home of her one time significant other baby daddy. Yes, several children are involved. Of course she tried knocking at 5:00 AM, or so she says, and when no one answered, her completely coherent mind decided the chimney would be her next best option as an entry point. But since she probably read or heard about another California woman attempting this same stunt several months earlier and getting stuck in her boyfriend’s chimney, this local Mensa cartoon character determined that the reason the other woman’s plan failed is because she had clothes on. Of course!!! How could first Crazy Cali Lady have been so dumb?
So second Crazy Cali Lady, removed her clothes, climbed up on the roof and did her best Santa sliding down the chimney impression.
But then she got stuck.
If you look closely, you can see her soot stained legs dangling from the bottom of the chimney. I wonder how long Engineer Jared Hazelaar, who snapped this picture, worked to get just the right angle. Because one brick more or less, and this shot takes on a whole different meaning. Imagine the jokes at the local firehouse after this rescue.
At some point, her ex-lover decided to get up for work and heard her calling out for help. My understanding is she shouted out something like, “I’m trapped in the chimney.” Now that makes sense.
Apparently this guy went up to the roof to try to pull her out, decided it wasn’t going to work and called 911, but not before ticking her dangling feet and having her promise to use the front door the next time she visits.
It took the firemen two hours to bust open the fireplace and pull her out. During that time she asked if one of the firemen could read her, Twas The Night Before Christmas. Apparently, she was trying to figure out where she made her mistake.
So the chimney will obviously have to be rebuilt. How would you like to be the claims adjuster on that phone call? But at least the guy was able to cancel and doesn’t have to pay for his chimney sweep appointment.
And of course, the woman was taken to the hospital for minor injuries. Uh-huh. I don’t even want to think about the places she had to be treated for abrasions. And really, those jokes would be too easy.
It’s only January 8th. Where can we possibly go from here?