Respectively Yours

Being an upscale one-eyed fiber nut is
not easy. Sitting in a see through
bag for months watching as people
pass you by or fondle you before tossing
you back into the crowd is degrading.
It makes a well respected nutritional
snack like me feel cheap. I’m not some
chintzy peanut that gets grabbed in handfuls
and thrown back into someone’s beer
infested mouth. I’m a pistachio. I got
class. One ounce of me and you get as much
potassium as half a large banana, a “delicate”
fruit that gets black and brown and soft
in a few days. Weakness isn’t part of my
package. My veins aren’t flowing with
saturated fats. I’m prime monounsaturated.
Tell that to your cholesterol hungry pals.
I got more fiber than broccoli or spinach so
where’s my five servings a day billboard
from the medical community. I’m especially
rich in phytosterol. You don’t know what
that is because you don’t speak my language.
You’re too hung up on peanut butter or
black beans. But I have more B-6 in a one ounce
serving than three ounces of those lightweights.
Still not convinced?
Then let me speak in sexual terms. That always
seems to be an attention grabber. I’m not your
typical easy nut. You can’t just grab me and
have your way. You first need to get
past the shell I put up around me. It’s a
process I call foreplay. It’s been used
by others in more vulgar ways, but I created it.
So now you know. I don’t come cheaply and
I don’t compromise. I expect some respect.
Treat me well and I will stimulate the growth
of your body’s cells and tissues. Enough
sex talk for now. I don’t want you to get the
wrong impression. If you don’t want me for
what’s inside, then you’re just a shallow individual
who doesn’t understand nutritional worth. If that’s
the case, then let’s just end this now. I’m looking for
a lasting relationship. I don’t have time for
one night stands.

2 thoughts on “Respectively Yours

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